In an interview with Steve Bartlett, Trevor Noah talked about his new-found appreciation for the long lines at amusement parks. Trevor loves roller coasters and fast rides so whenever he gets the chance he goes with his close friends to enjoy a fun day out. But, he adds, he has always hated standing in those long lines for hours, longing to be on the ride. Because all that time is wasted, then you finally reach the front of the ride, only for it all to be over in moments! He shares that one day he and some friends were going to an amusement park in the US and the owners heard he was coming. And so they gave the Star a queue-free pass to all the rides. Meaning that he and his entourage were able to go on any ride they wanted without standing in any queues at any point. He was absolutely thrilled – “Finally I made it!”, he told himself. What followed was an adrenalin-filled day where they got to go on each and every ride in the entire park, twice in some cases! But then came the end of the day, he noticed he felt quite overwhelmed, overstimulated and actually, a little low. He and his friends tried to unpack what had happened and why the day was actually an anti-climax. The friends suddenly realised that the fulfilment of the day wasn’t located in the ride consumption itself. Rather, it was located in the line! Not only in the exciting build-up of anticipation but very importantly in the ordinary time spent chatting and hanging out with friends. In the absence of that, there wasn’t much joy in having achieved the main goal.
Why do I start with this story? Because often, in our lives, we mostly live in ‘the queue’ with our eye on the prize, and so much is missed! Nothing shines a light on this quite like the phenomenon of New Year’s resolutions, which are by definition, future-facing. Here we all are, on holiday, a time when we should be having fun and being present with friends and family, but we are already thinking ahead and not enjoying where we are and who we are with. So, this January, rather than focusing on what you still need to do, how about taking a moment to really appreciate where you are, what you currently have and how you can lean into that more and instil an energy of gratitude and pride going into the new year? So let’s think about some goals you can set which are more about savouring where you are and tweaking and improving it, rather than chasing what you still really want.
Essayist Brianna Wiest, in her latest book “101 Essays That Will Change Your Life”, offers some pointers on how to instil more present goal setting in your day. Here are some of the best ones that you can start applying right now:
- Each day, write down one thing your body allowed you to do: Like it or not, we are not built to last forever. Being in our bodies is a real gift. So each day, note down one thing your body allowed you to do that you are appreciative of; like your eyes work and so you were able to watch your favourite show. Or you are grateful for how well your ears were able to hear the gleeful sounds of your kids playing in the pool.
- Start a journal of days: As extremely busy people, writing a full daily journal may be a tall order. But maybe you can manage one line a day to reflect on something that struck you as meaningful that day. This will be easy to page back on come year’s end and you will quickly see the accomplishments of the year and the gratitude you lived with daily.
- Do a “spend cleanse”: This is a little harder to do, but teaching yourself the art of denying instant gratification can feel amazing! Try living just with what you have, without trying to replace or upgrade the physical stuff in your life. This is an important way to reflect on how much you already have and how much it actually serves you.
- Give everything you own a “home”: There is something really gratifying about sorting through your things. Go through your belongings and turf out or donate whatever you no longer use. And then once you have identified the things you still love and find useful, find a nice home for them. Fold your clothes neatly, show them some respect, and recognise that what you have, you have earned and they are serving you well.
- Do the most important things immediately in the morning: If you want to understand what your priorities are in life, then order them accordingly. Get to the stuff that is important to you early in the morning, while you have the most energy. If you plan your day like this it will quickly become clear what is important to you. For example, working out in the morning (even if it’s hard) will demonstrate that your health is a priority and you respect your body. Calling a friend on the way to work each morning is another way to remind yourself (and your friends) that connections matter and you look after them as a priority.
This year, instead of setting goals that are future-facing, how about rather focusing on who you are, and what you have in this moment? As humans, change is actually a little unnerving so instead of making grand gestures that you can’t (or won’t) fulfil, rather consider small incremental opportunities to be present, to notice who you are, what and who is already in your life and how much you are really trying. So this year, let’s make a little more effort to stand in the queue, enjoy the rare opportunity of being still, and feel the relief that doing that is more than enough.