Being a mom is not for sissies. Not only do we have to be physically accessible round the clock, we also have to be emotionally available at all times. With this in mind, it stands to reason that our relationships with our kids are built on a delicate balance between our emotional and physical availability. But how do we take care of ourselves when we are working, running homes, managing financial difficulties and all the external pressures on mom-ing on a daily basis? The answer is: Slowly. Starting with these 4 strategies to effectively combat mom stress.
1. Pay attention to your signs of stress
As I advised my daughter the other day, pay attention to how you feel when you are around your friends. The feeling they evoke in you is essentially what you are getting out of those relationships. This seems like a subtle thing, but actually it’s EVERYTHING. So I offer moms the same advice, pay attention to how you feel in the moment of any given day or situation. Are you in a stressful dynamic at work? Is your heart rate going up, do you feel a little dizzy, does your colleague leave you feeling drained or guilty? These are all important clues to what you’re needing. So start right there in the moment, taking a few seconds to compute and process where you’re at… and most importantly if you like it there.
2. Identify difficult times of the day or month
What are your hotspots? Is it early in the morning when you’re feeling rushed, or is it month-end when finances feel tight. Can you anticipate these worries and plan around them. This may not make the main problem disappear but maybe you can lighten your load during those times. Like you could make your kids lay out the clothes the night before so there is one less thing to do in the morning. Or mid-month you can cook and freeze some meals so they are ready for the month-end. Meaning that when the time comes they are already cooked and paid for! Understanding and anticipating stressful moments is the first step to combating them.
3. Find quick ways to decompress
This isn’t just a nice-to-have – it’s essential. The key here is that when things feel overwhelming, you can very easily lose perspective on the challenge you’re facing. Whether it’s a escapting in a book, going to the gym or taking a 15 minute walk around the block, it is so important to decompress and recalibrate.
4. Find a place to be honest
This is related to decompression discussed above, but takes it one step further. You need to have a space where you are allowed to be completely honest about how you feel, with no judgement or need to fix things. Weekly therapy or a support group will allow you to be brutally honest about where you’re at. With the right therapist you can say things out loud and make sense of all your feelings about it. Don’t know where to start? Try www.therapyroute.com.
The bottom line
What all of these strategies have in common is that they are small effective ways to slow down, notice your stress levels (and thoughts that come with it). And then where possible, putting simple strategies and resources in place to help support you when things feel overwhelming. These 4 ways to restabilize when mom stress threatens may not solve the problem you’re facing, but they will definitely help you keep things in perspective, return to thinking and get back to the complicated business of parenting.